Fear and anxiety can influence and even direct our decisions. You probably know someone in your life that tends to say, “No” a lot. Now they may have a variety of reasons for saying No, but I would guess that many times their “No” comes from a place of anxiety. “No” I don’t want to go, because I’m nervous in crowds, or “No” I’m not going because I don’t know anyone there, or even “No” because I’m not good at it.
Then you have those in your life who say “Yes” to too many things. “Yes I’ll help you or, Yes, I can host that event or even, Yes, I‘ll be there.” In these scenarios fear is a little less obvious. Maybe it is the fear that if you don’t agree and go along someone won’t like you. Or could it be that if you say, “No” then they will think you’re not a team player.
As you can see in both scenarios fear and anxiety have the power. When I coach myself (something I do frequently) I ask, “Are fear and anxiety making this decision for me, or am I making the decision?” My goal is to make my decisions without giving my power to fear. I want to say “Yes” because I really mean Yes and I want to say “No” because I mean No.
A fun activity could be for you to ask someone close to you, “Do I tend to say “Yes” or “No” more often? No particular situation, just in general, which word do I use more. When you get this information then you have a starting point!
Written by: Cara Wheeler, PsyD
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